Ripping up the caution tape

The following is an exercise in boldness and following my passion. Tearing away the caution tape bit by bit so there is nothing left to keep me out.

Generally, I am not bothered by what others think. At home, at work, I do what feels natural and rarely interpret myself through others. I speak my mind. I happily knit in public. I nurse my fidgety baby anywhere. However, these fall within my comfort zones. My fear of imagined consequences once I have left ComfyLand overrides any of my reckless abandon, inhibiting my own freedom. Among the mental roadblocks on my list to tackle are:

Traveling off the beaten path.
Asking for directions (and accepting them).
Taking pictures of people.
Standing my ground.

I nervously pick berries, wondering what the neighbors will think. I tiptoe across property, skirt abandoned "no trespassing" signs with a ten foot berth. My fear of being confronted keeps me from following my every whim. I have trouble pulling out my camera in odd places, afraid to turn around to find the hot burn of another person's glare, afraid to be told I am in the wrong and feel the hot burn of my own embarrassed cheeks. Breaking this internal taboo is the biggest step I can take in order to release the creativity I feel bubbling up inside me.

So, I brought my camera to a little get together yesterday (not uncommon) and actually pulled it out of my bag (fairly uncommon). My first step towards tearing away the no trespassing sign I've made myself, and I've already encountered a new resistance which makes me want to run for the hills. Perhaps it's the classic catch 22, but I timidly stay away from practicing on people because I feel I have nothing to offer them, yet this is because I have not had enough experience. I can sense an artistic shot, can see it there in front of me, but its translation onto the camera is less than satisfying.

I feel there are several levels of photographers. The best can see a moment and capture more than what is there, imparting balance and allegory in every shadow. The good ones can capture the beauty and emotion in the moment forever. And then there's my current goal: simply to relate what I see in front of me, to remember the moment as I saw it. To capture a person and prove that yes, they are photogenic and no, they won't have to panic at finding their face frozen forever in the middle of a word or an awkward position.

I see those moments of perfect atmosphere, I see a person lit up from within by their thoughts, and I want so badly to whip out my camera and say, Just keep going, this is going to be beautiful. But I can't promise any of that, and it makes me want to tack the caution tape back up and return firmly to my comfortable side. Oops, sorry, I didn't mean to intrude, I'll just be going now... The camera sits on the table and teases me, refusing to give me what I want until I cross to the far side and explore every corner. It's my own inhibitions that keep me from what I desire.

Keeping my camera out, albeit clicking ever-so-timidly, was my first huge step over the tape. It's not gone by any means, but now I know I can survive on the other side. I think I got one photo I liked, maybe. The moments came and went and I missed the mark so many times, but I had the guts to get the camera out and shoot away the day, and that's a start.

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The get together was at Megan and Ryan's house. They have the oldest baby, the girl with The Hair, who turns 6 months today. The baby in stripes turns 6 months next week, and my Bella in light pink turned 5 months a few days ago.

The house had gorgeous light, as all the windows faced south. But still it was dim and kids are wiggly, so I used a very high iso the whole afternoon since I was too self conscious to dampen my flash with one of Bella's socks, as I normally would.

No flash, no processing

(I'm scheduled for a copy of Photoshop, but it may take a while to learn!)

Lower iso in an attempt to lighten things up.
Not a great shot, but I love Bella's face.

With flash, but softened a little to hide the glare.

Another shot that I wish were less "flashed"
because I love the interest in the button.

Standing away from the window
and against the horrid WHITE! walls.
The harsh lighting kind of bleaches out the softness of the moment.

I practiced on Jen next. They were facing the window,
but far enough away that I still needed that high iso.

I love the way Jen is looking at her daughter,
barely in the frame. I wish it weren't so grainy
but they were way in from the window.

I think we might have had more fun
than them just watching them interact.

Not artsy (ew to the carpet color),
but I love the energy and playfulness.
Of course Bella would be looking at me.

This would have been my favorite shot if Bella
hadn't thrown her hand through it at the last moment.
Thanks to the low iso and low light,
it's just a blur, but a blur it is.

And not that I would have asked him to move
(not there yet!) but I never notice
things like The Foot in the background until I get it home.

Nice and close to the window,
watching her dad grilling outside.
She let me play with many different settings.

Ryan goofing with all the girls.
Another plain snapshot, but I do like the story.