Meaningful Holidays

No Thanksgiving photos to post here. We had so much to bring to dinner (two pies, sweet potatoes, rising rolls, baby and baby bag) that I forgot the cameras I had put in my own bag. I had even charged the batteries.... We had a great dinner even though Bella waited until we were all stuffed to the brim and prostrate on the couches to finally switch to a happy and playful mood.

Sharing the holiday with a different set of family members than I'm used to has me thinking about my own holiday habits and what I imagine when I dream of the holiday season. With a new(ish) baby, this year feels like a great year to start planting new traditions and decide which old ones to honor.

Here's what we've been doing:

Pumpkin pie from scratch. Until this year I've always messed up the dough. I think I've finally gotten it right, though :O)

Listening to Harry Potter audio books. Dave and I both work retail, and turning these one when we come home instead of Christmas music helps keep us sane.

Baking baking and more baking. Bread, cookies, meringues, you name it! Especially this year, as it will compliment our gifts of time that we plan to give out in lieu of toys, etc.

Orange rolls with fresh coffee on Thanksgiving and Christmas mornings. This year we didn't plan ahead and had to run out and get them last minute. I expect on Christmas I'll plan to try out homemade orange rolls.

We don't have a tree tradition, though I've heard of people making an ornament with their children for each Christmas. My mom's tree is full of these and I love to look at them!




Candles, we always light a candle at every meal we manage at the dinner table. A reminder that it's the little things the keep love going. I would love to make our own candles to last us the year and distribute to others.

I also like the idea of everyone saying something they are thankful for at grace. At big family dinners we repeat Bless Us O Lord, which is a nice way to start the meal, but as Dave and I are not big on organized grace, I think something genuine from each person would be more meaningful.

We haven't tried any volunteering and we have yet to be in a position to adopt a family to give presents, but it's something I always think about. I'm a fan of inviting over as many people for the holidays as possible.

And on that note, as much as I would like to boycott Black Friday, I must head to work and serve the throngs.

Read more...

Savoring

Ever have one of those weeks that starts out as a bad day, and though each next day is supposed to be the good one that turns everything around, they get progressively worse and suck you down with them?

So I've decided that TODAY is the good one, and here are the things I'm savoring to make it so:



1. The last lonely leaf that's always at the tip of the branch.

2. Running water. Who knew having water shut off without notice could be so disruptive to my day.
3. Bella clucking her tongue and singing long crescendo-ing strings of nanananananananana and laughing when I copy her.
4. Dough that was so perfect I knew the bread would be good, but not THAT good.
5. The glitter of understanding in Bella's head as she figures out how to lift her feet instead of dragging them when we walk together.
6. Knowing I have a family to spend Thanksgiving with.
7. A bunny who actually let me pick him up and pet him just this once. (And I got to clip his toenails without even a protest!)
8. Having someone to take care of Bella in a pinch.

9. Confidence that she and Bella adore each other so that when I drive away from my baby to leave her without me or Dave for the first time (of course it's now that separation anxiety has set in...), I should have no reason to feel my heart sink.

10. Guilt Happiness that my parents will be flying out Yet Again to visit and we'll all (even my brother!) be in one place for the first time in two years.
11. Contentment in knowing that everyone is getting just cookies for Christmas, and yes that means you.
12. The Hat, it's done. Horrible tassels and unravelly yarn and all, I just need to take photos and send it off. I only have two things left to make before Christmas and I swear I will follow gauge rules.
13. A husband who fixed the toilet and cuddled with the baby and didn't hold a grudge the next morning even though I haven't yet apologized for petty name calling that I did last night in the heat of my horrible week.

14. Rainbows dancing in the kitchen when the light hits my ring Just So. It's like getting a kiss on the cheek even when Dave's not home.

15. Feeling better after apologizing, even if the nail's still in the fence.
16. Catching faces like this to remember forever.

17. Knowing that I didn't have to stop at ten. I have so many things to be thankful for, and they way outweigh the suck of The Cruddy Week.

Read more...

Beauty in this home

I haven't traveled in quite a while, so finding things to shoot within my neighborhood is essential. I actually find that by shooting at home I can expand my horizons. I'm not tempted to take the traditional scenic "I was here" shot that encapsulates a vacation.

Staying home challenges me to focus on the same trees in different light, details in the turning of seasons, things I feel represent my experience much better than the tourist shot. And to do all this with a wiggly Bella strapped to me.




And of course, what new mom can't resist finding 85,000(,000,000) ways to take the same photo over and over. Talk about a challenge!

Read more...

dreaming of snow....

We've changed our sheets to flannel, and nothing could be more snuggley. Sometimes I wake up in the morning*, feel the cool air in the bedroom and imagine just before opening my eyes that there'll be snow on the trees when I look out the window. There's nothing I love more than the quiet created by a blanket of snow, and I can't wait for Bella to have a chance to jump around in the snow and warm up afterward inside with hot chocolate and marshmallows. I doubt that'll happen much in Seattle, but I can dream, right?

*our mornings start around 11am so I really have to pretend....

Read more...

an encounter

She's there behind me and I take a breath before turning around. With the force of a few simple words and the insistence in her voice she has already barged right into my comfort zone. As I turn around she plows forward, oblivious to space allotted to me in our retail relationship.

I need a box for my stockings. My husband died and now I have this ...closet. She holds the words out at arms length, placing them between us as if she only wants to watch the interaction. She turns to look at me, challenging me to offer my condolences. But that's not my forte. People do not go shopping for sympathy, they come for the escape. I have no experience here and in the absence of my response she charges on to fill the space, explaining how her friends disapprove of her new closet. She likes to see all her items; they say it's too messy. I wonder what business they have in there at all. We parade around, looking at everything but making no decisions and her boldness is exhausting me.

I learn of the holiday party she is having catered in lieu of a funeral. He loved Christmas and he never got to have one in this house. She casts out clues with every breath, but she never explains and I can tell the words aren't meant for me. I watch her intently as she spouts off words in my direction, and when I follow her eyes I realize he is there in the distance, looking right back at her. Each sentence ends with a lurch as she pulls herself back and we each try to regain our balance in the silence.

In these moments I realize this is not her. She is not distant and cold, not used to not having the answers, to wandering directionless, to be trapped in indecision. This persona is her coping, like one who finds herself faced with a road paved in coals. Overwhelmed, she forces her feet to move, taking each step because it is the only way forward. Her words are her affirmations, the ones she grabs onto to pull herself across the void, to keep the momentum going for fear that a second's pause will cause her to lose her way.

In the end, the woman heads back to the box that she initially liked, the one that her friends will disapprove of, but in buying it she is regaining her self. She thanks me for my help and I wish her a beautiful party, but my words are flat and I doubt they convey the strength of my intent. And with that, the whirlwind is gone and I am left in its wake, trying once again to catch my footing on this unsteady ground.

Read more...

Self Portraits

Shutter Sisters has challenged us with a self portrait today. A diptych (two photos that complement each other) of our view down to the earth, and the view of us with the sky above. As I have yet to attempt many self portraits, I thought I'd chime in with my interpretation.

If I'm outside, it means that Bella is in the wrap so I don't usually see my feet. Bella is part of my everyday self, so I suppose it's only right that she be included in my self portrait for now. It won't be long before she's too big to hang out on my belly all day.

Bella and I already tried this last week when we went on our treasure hunt.
Here's my view down (though I don't really see that much of my nose!) and Bella's view down:

And the ones I got today (from my deck since Bella was sleeping, so pardon the underexposure).
Looking down vs. looking up.

Read more...

Another prime number...

Happy seven months, Isabelle. Seven. Why does that number seem so much larger than six? It must be the way we round up to the next full number once we are half way there. You are past the half way mark, closer to a year than to being newborn.



I saw you goofing around in a towel on our bed after our bath the other day and I did a double take. For a moment I almost didn't recognize you. I asked you what you did with my teenie little baby and you just laughed and proceeded to stuff as much towel in your mouth as possible. You're over twice her size, and on very rare occasions I get a glimpse of the newborn that used to be, but the squeaks and stretches and expressions she made disappear a little more every day. To look at you now is to peek through the window at the person you are becoming, at the child who will laugh and run and play and throw torrential tantrums and cry after a bump on the head and come to my lap for just another cuddle.







This month you showed us that you know your name. You've given up on crawling and tummy time for now. You'd much rather be standing anywhere, and although you haven't figured out that you can move your legs yet, you can stand all on your own for quite a while. You also decided that solid foods were not for you. I should have taken your picture at our first attempt. Of all the things that you willingly put in your mouth every day, you could not possible believe that I would offer you something so vile. Each time we try the tiniest lick, be it sweet potatoes or apple sauce, you gag and wretch until the texture has dissolved or been spat out.




You also found several new noises, including raspberries, gagging sounds, and various other guttural sounds I could never in a million years reproduce and simultaneously retain my dinner. You've taken to playing with your blocks, pulling them gently off their posts, knocking them together and tossing them all around the room. It seems you have finally learned about baby gravity, and are employing it expertly.



You cannot possibly imagine what an exciting month this was for the world. The United States elected its first black president. What an election. It would either have been that or the first female vice president. I have to say I'm excited about the potential of our new president to create a gentler, greener world for you, but only time will tell. If anyone asks where you were when the first black president was elected, you can say, Starbucks. We spent the day lazing about as a family and spent the evening glued to the internet for updates.



I'm hoping before you are grown people will come to their senses and stop stripping happiness from their fellow citizens. Among other things, this election made gay marriage unconstitutional in California and banned adoption for unmarried couples in Arkansas, fully aware that gays cannot marry. I cannot begin to imagine your future, but I can only hope that these decisions are righted so that no matter what lifestyle you follow, you will be able to be with the ones you love. No one should be able to take that right from you. Why do we feel the need to regulate love when there's barely enough as is?



You are my definition of love and I whisper thanks to you every night for finding me.

Each night we fall asleep together and I scrunch down with you in the covers so I can rest my nose on your hair, my lips on your forehead. What was once corn silk and then peach fuzz is now the softest of feathers, wisps of angel hair that tickle me as I fall asleep, breathing you in and out.

Yesterday you were babbling away when you suddenly paused, said ma ma to your toes, and then kept right on talking, clueless that those two meaningless syllables could make my heart leap out of my chest. Or perhaps I'm wrong and they weren't accidental. They could very well mean scrumptious in Bellaland. After all, that would be quite applicable to your toes and me.



I love you, baby. From your piggies to your nose, and don't you forget it.

Love, mama

Read more...

Superhero Challenge: Treasure hunt

The picture above is really the only photo I have taken of something in my hands. On my visit to the Aegean Sea a while back, I was astonished by the intricate mixture of sand. Not perfect white grains like Pensacola Beach, nor rocky barky sand like Crane's Beach, just beautiful glittery grains of every shape and color. I wanted to remember it forever.

Bella and I took to heart the Shutter Sisters' Superhero Challenge to gather treasure and headed right out on a photo walk, though most of our treasure was found indoors.

It turns out my definition of treasure has changed over the years.


Little toes that still fit in my hand.


A leaf from our giant maple, altering everything's perspective.


Bella's favorite toy, now that her hand is just large enough to hold it.


And Bella's favorite thing to do with her treasure.

Read more...

Contain Yourself!

Yes, that is what my shirt says more days out of the week than not. This is not something I would usually post, but it is SO rare that The Container Store has coupons, so I could not resist spreading the word to everyone!

Oprah graciously featured us on yet another show yesterday. Here is some stuff featured on a previous episode. After this show, however, she has given EVERYONE a coupon for 20% off! Off EVERYTHING! You could do your closet, or get stocking stuffers or gift wrap or kitchen drawer organizers. (Or awesome photo pages!) Seriously, I'm dorkily excited about this because it's such a great store and if you are a regular shopper you'll know that this is really the only store wide coupon you will EVER get for The Container Store.

Okay, I'm done plugging this, I swear, but feel free to spread the word, because the coupon ends on the 19th!


(did i mention it rocks??!)

<<< disclaimer: organizing other people's homes for a living does not mean that i myself am in any way organized>>>

Read more...

Love from Far Off

Dave and I had been dating for half a year when I went away to Greece with some fellow students. Dave and I missed each other desperately as we ought to have, and I made a point of bringing him with me everywhere I went, if only in my heart.


Love Thursday has returned to its original home and this week's post is about getting back to family. I had no idea when taking this photo that almost exactly three years later, we would be bringing our little family into being.

Happy Love Thursday, everyone.

Read more...

Wordless Wednesday: Rain

It's really fall now. We wake up not knowing if it's 9am or noon until we find a clock. Usually it's the latter.

Read more...

What's in a name?

Bella is playing contentedly on the floor with her blocks. Dave calls her name and she looks up. See? She knows her name!


He's been trying to convince me of this for a few days now and I'm skeptical, certain that she's responding to the voice and not the word. It's too early for her to know her name, too early for her to pick meaning out of the necklace of words we throw at her day to day.

So I try out some variations. Squishy Butt, I call in my sweetest most singsongy voice. Butter Ball... Isabelle. And she turns to me at the last one. I try out a few more, and she thinks this new game is great. She slips up at Peanut Butter, but in her defense, I do call her Peanut quite a bit. To rub it in even more that this grand feat is yesterday's news, I'm sitting behind her and each time she hears her name, she looks up, swivels herself expertly around without faltering and looks up at me expectantly.



When did this happen? I barely even use her full name, and here she is hanging on every syllable, finding meaning in random consonants. The implications are still sinking in to me. Six months ago we were one, and now she's already setting the stones of her own identity, all on her own. I hope this means we picked the right name.

Read more...

Unplugged #8: Kitchen

In this little apartment, the kitchen plays a huge roll. It's the hood fan above the stove that shushes Bella to sleep each night, the dishes in the sink that occupy her when she doesn't want to be put down, and the every day cooking that she assures us we couldn't possibly do without her. So of course, this week's theme of kitchen at Unplug Your Kids sounded wonderful for us!

First of all, I want to point out the wonderful interview at Chocolate & Zucchini on how the blind cook. It is so fascinating and inspiring, and makes me realize my unorganized life style would probably cause many fires, spills, burns and bumps in the kitchen. (Notice my "busy" countertops and open cabinets in the photos below.)

We tried many things in the kitchen this week, but let's just say that we managed to make our usual bread, and I even cooked up some more apple sauce, but the family kitchen project was more like a kitchen snafu.

When I get the munchies, sometimes the only thing that will kick my sweet tooth is cookie dough. Dave personally hates dough, but I can sit down and eat a whole bowl if the mood strikes. So I make dough, he makes cookies, all is well with the world.

I started with this recipe for Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies, my favorite! I subbed out the eggs with apple sauce so I wouldn't feel guilty for eating raw eggs while wearing a very grabby Bella. (Please pretend not to notice that I stay in my PJs all day when I've worked a night shift the night before...)






When all was mixed and doughy, I snuggled up with Bella and my bowl of yummy and left the rest to Dave, expecting the scrumptious smell of fresh cookies to permeate our apartment. However within a few minutes I started smelling burgers. Dave assured me that he used a clean pan and that the smell could have been from dinner, so I pushed snooze on the alarms going off in my head. But when I smelled burning just moments later, I had to check it out. As I peered in at the cookies, (sorry, I accidentally deleted the photo of them cooking!) I realized that the pan in use was in fact the broiler pan, the one dotted with handy little holes to allow the grease to fall through.

Apparently, cookies do not broil well. Little stalactites of dough were forming in each hole, occasionally releasing miniature cookie fireballs. We did our best to salvage the cookies with some tinfoil protecting the oven, but our attempts were in vain. Indeed, after much inspection, we decided meatballs had last been cooked on this tray, and the two flavors were not meant to coexist in one mouthful. There is a reason no one cooks burger cookies.

And here's our second kitchen goof up for the week: Whole wheat bread that we set to rise during our afternoon bath, but then decided that a nap sounded more appealing after a warm bath, so the bread over rose and has a splat-top.



And a peek into the normal messy status of our kitchen, in case anyone needs a little reminder that messy is normal. :O)

Read more...

Christmas is all around

For those of us in the retail world, the holiday season is in full swing. And although I find myself commiserating with friends and coworkers about Christmas trees before Halloween! and Oh those dastardly songs! and How much more of this can we take! I still find myself giddy as the season approaches. The house is too cold? Why not make a pumpkin pie! If there's no one home but me, no one will know I'm listening to Christmas CDs. (Hey, it's all brand new to Bella!) And so what if I wrap empty boxes just so I can enjoy their splendor. I certainly don't have the means or foresight to keep real presents around the whole season.

I still begrudge the material focus that persists through the season, but to me it's balanced out by the extra glow and sparkle peaking around every corner. When it comes to consumption we are always faced with filtering out the good from the bad. Take the family time, the pretty trees, the hint of snow, and ignore the noisy plastic toys that represent satisfaction for 30.7 seconds.

People will come around eventually and refocus on what truly matters. Take, for example, my dear Container Store, which specifically strives to separate itself from the religion in the season: Gift Wrap Wonderland consisting solely of Santa, reindeer, and snowy scenes. Three years ago they introduced their first religious themed gift wrap, a beautiful nativity montage. It flew almost literally out the door and they struggle to keep it in stock each year. And finally they have added another. (Apparently supply and demand does work.)

The music, on the other hand, remains completely secular. Sixteen versions of Santa Baby, three White Christmasses, and twelve Frosty the Snowmans. Yes, it gets old fast, but I just talk over it and show people how to make the most beautiful bows to put on their perfectly wrapped boxes (presentation does matter!). And at least it means that I can come home and enjoy Oh Holy Night and Carol of the Bells with fresh ears. A win win situation if you ask me.

Read more...

(I don't have a sticker to show for my mail-in ballot)

As if the day wasn't bad enough in its own right, Mondays at our apartment are plagued by the ringing whine and biting stink of the Mowing and Blowing. Even if it's windy and raining, the groundskeepers spend from 9 am to 1pm cutting every green thing in sight and rearranging the fallen leaves, carving self righteous paths through the grass.

And the best thing is that by Tuesday, the wind and trees have had their way and replaced everything just as it should be.

Read more...

A sunday at home

Shutter Sisters today called for photos of the hearth and home to warm up our November. Our Sundays are pretty simple. Usually one or both of us are working, so they're nothing superduper. Still, it's the little moments that make up our lives, so here are some shots of our blustery Sunday spent indoors. When the mere thought of going outside soaks you to the bone, it's much better to stay inside and sail away to the Bahamas in a sink boat.

Read more...

Superhero Challenge: Fallen Leaves

I'm squatting in a puddle, a sleepy Bella strapped to me staring off into space as I awkwardly position my little point and shoot elph on the wet concrete. I've just resigned myself to looking like a fool when I hear through the fog of my concentration, Are you a photographer? That question has never been directed at me before. I look up from my puddle to see a man in a minivan staring down at me in awe, his preteen in tow. I don't answer but try to keep my smile confident.

Is he serious? I have a child hanging off my front and my miniature camera is lying in a pile of leaves. I suppose everything is relative. He saves me from explaining and carries on about what an artistic angle that is and how he's good with people, but would never think of such a great idea and it's so creative he wants to try it out as soon as he gets back home. I let him do all the talking. He's genuinely excited and inspired to see me (still in my puddle) and I doubt the word "hobbiest" would pop his shiny bubble.



I'm also excited about this shot, but for other reasons. I go through my day imagining photographs, a lens before me even when it's not. I've set this one up in my mind a million times but never got the nerve to try it out until today's Superhero Challenge sent me out in the rain to face my fear of breaking the norm. Yeah, I'm not so good with people, I reply lamely waving my camera, but I suppose that's why I've got this. I encourage him to come back out and try this perspective before they blow the leaves away. He circles the parking lot one more time to catch another glance and I heave a big sigh to pull me and Bella up from my crouch. A simple interaction, two very different perspectives, and we both continue on our daily paths glowing with a little more inspiration.

So my superhero powers for the day, a leaf's perspective on life:





And one for the leaves who have yet to fall:

Read more...