captured

A moment, blurry, happy and intense- the way it should be.

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reading

She likes to have us read to her while she reads an entirely different book to herself. Sometimes she listens and sometimes she chats through the whole thing which frustrates me to no end. Of course, then I have to pretend not to be insulted when she interrupts to tell me about her book.

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fun and games

unless you're playing with my family!



and then competition ends in ... competition!

(there is no croquet game too small.)

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because we can

today we blew bubbles inside. oh yes, we did. they were floating in through the window anyhow. delinquent little things sticking to the wall and taunting us on the sides of furniture. and then dave got out a fan and blew them all around. i have video to prove we're not sticks in the mud. it's great to be the grown up some times.

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Something New

Whoops!

Looks like I missed a day. Now that I think about it, yesterDAY was quite busy and Lillia grumped all night, so it's no wonder.

However.

I am about to embark upon a project called 100 Strangers.

I'm looking forward to getting out of my comfort zone, finding interesting people and getting to know them. Not to mention improving my photography in it all.

We nodded to plenty of interesting people while hiking today, but I didn't manage to stop, chat, and get portrait out of any of them. In fact, we were quite the site to see, me, Ronnie and Dave each wearing a child. Everyone thought Haydee and Lillia were twins.

Alas, no portraits. Still, It's good to know I can always find great subjects on one of our favorite trails.

So that at least I felt I was warming up to the idea, I snapped this while walking. This group looked so blissful. In fact, everyone on that trail was.

oh, and this one for good measure:



Thanks for the warning.

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makes mouths happy

making cookies with bella. i told dave what i had in mind for this shot, and he did pretty good, i think :O)

we've been down and out with a cold. lillia is a sloppy nurser to begin with, but add a stuffy nose and we've been miserable. she and i are on the mend and bella is just starting her run of it.

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so go the nights

Days have been pretty good. Even the ones where I'm alone
(except yesterday, the "come home early, hun, i'm about to lose it" day). Of course we haven't tried anything exceptional. Naps are still pretty elusive for Bella and we've resorted to the ever so eco-friendly habit of driving around in the car.

Nighttime lately has consisted of one or the other off us putting Bella to sleep, which can take between 20 minutes and two hours. Then around 3o'clock Lillia wakes up to eat, we switch sides of the bed and Bella wakes up out of a nightmare and starts thrashing and screaming and inconsolably for me (unless you're me, in which case she touches you and goes limp into a deep, sobbing sleep).

The night before last was a missed nap night (which you know is disastrous going in). Bella fell asleep after about 45 minutes with Dave and woke up an hour later when I came to bed. She crawled up next to me and Lillia and lay there awake (but remarkably still) for the next half hour. Then Dave came to bed, put her back into her bed, and she woke up crying for me. Since it was a rational, awake cry, and Dave was completely keeping his cool, I let him handle it without me rescuing Bella. She sobbed for two hours before finally letting Dave cuddle her instead. He had to hop into her bed to get her to sleep.

I sat by and listened the whole time to those heartbreaking cries. The ones that make you want to run to your baby. The ones that remind you of the times that you cried so hard because you thought that you would never get to be with someone again. No, it's not the end of the world, but it sure feels like it.

No matter how much I fill this girl up during the daytime, its nighttime that she needs the love. That is something that I'm still not sure how to handle. Society tells me to kick her out of our room and let her cry, that kids are resilient and she'll get used to it. My mama instinct tells me that she is a sensitive soul that might not get used to it, and why should she have to? It wasn't her choice to add another person to this family. Sigh. No nap yesterday (fireworks through the day and alllll night) and none again today so we'll see how it goes. At least I'll have Dave home by then to help.

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a little nostalgia

Although 2009 was probably the most stressful year of my life thus far, it will go down in my history books as the year that my baby grew into a little girl (with attitude, no less). It makes me very glad I participated in a 365 photography project. I still have something to remember when all the little details slip away.

January 2009

January 2010


July 2009


January 2010

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eighteen and counting

Dear Bella,

I love watching you learn. I know it doesn't always seem like it, like when you shovel the ashes out of the fireplace onto the hearth and I start screaming because our vacuum broke two days before and crud is piling up everywhere. But really, I love to see you explore this world of yours, I promise.

We haven't been out and about this fall like we were last fall. I'm not sure why, exactly. I mean, we did go apple picking, which was a blast, but we don't go on our daily walks anymore. I think it's because I actually have to dress you instead of just throwing you in the wrap, and then I spend most of my walk chasing after you as you run into the street. You hear so many noes these days, and it's tiring for us both. No playing in the toilet, no taking trash out of the can, no biting mama, no turning off the radio while I'm listening. They're everywhere and I can't help it. Learning is learning boundaries.

But what can I say, I could watch you for hours. I love to watch you problem solve when something is out of your reach. You're just like me, refusing to ask for help until you're in over your head, and by then you're too mad to accept alternatives.

I love the way you sit in a corner to inspect a book and flip through it at different speeds. The way you've learned when is the best time to deliver a kiss. The way you seem to know exactly which things on the floor are trash, but you run them by me anyhow just so you can hear me say, Put that in the trash, please. The way you've decided that ducking your face down and peeking out from under your eyelashes is the same as hiding. The way you snub food as soon as I offer it (because you can), and then make a giant circle back since you actually are hungry. The way you'll put your face into the floor or table to pick up food when eating with your hands becomes too mundane.

You've hit a few personal milestones this month. You drink all by yourself from a cup now, and as long as I catch you before the water gets too exciting, you won't spill it. Sometimes I let you spill it because, who cares? It's water. You say hi and wave to everyone you see, including Bunny, stuffies, and characters in books. You officially go to bed without nursing. We just lie on the same pillow and sing songs until you're sleepy enough to drift off on your own. And you often even spend most of the night in your crib, which I have to admit is delightful. It makes me happy again to cuddle you all morning long when you crawl over for a nursing.

You're also singing a lot these days, signing more and more, and I think your strings of gibberish might turn into words soon. I can't wait. Life with you is anything but dull, and you show me every day just how much excitement this world has to offer. I'm sure you haven't a clue, but you make my life exciting. Just keep going at life the way you do, baby, that's all a mom can ask for.

Love,
mama

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the catch up letter

Dear Bella,

So I skipped a month. I skipped a month because, wow, things have been busy, and you've been a trooper. I have asked so much of you over the past month, and you've been right with me, hanging in there, taking it like a champ. Last month I was supposed to attend our friend MJ's birth. Help her out and take photos. She finally had her boy 15 days after he was due, and you spent the weekend with Daddy. The whole weekend. It kind of messed up our night weaning, and you certainly showed me how much you missed me when I got back, but your willingness to try a weekend without me, and Daddy's big help let MJ's baby come into the world in a peaceful, healthy way. I can't thank you enough.

And then what did we do the day after Thomas was born? We flew across the country. Guess it was a good thing you got so much Daddy time. We flew, then drove, then drove some more, then a bit more, and holy cow, just a bit more for the fun of it, and then we flew back home. You're used to visiting people. In fact, if we don't go out every day so you can flirt with someone else, you get quite grumpy.

I would never have put you through a trip like this if I didn't think you'd enjoy meeting with 20 or 30 new people every day. Twenty people who know you, but who(m) you have never met. People who say hi and want to hold you and already love you, and you will never know how much you brighten their lives. You do. And you beam and let them love you and soak it up and learn to wave bye-bye which you've never done before, and then let me throw you back in the car. Some cheerios, the Itsy Bitsy Spider, a few songs playing on our roadtrip soundtrack, and we're off. You are amazing, child.

And while we were in Massachusetts getting you baptized, you got that last bottom tooth. Then I took you home and it was over 100 degrees all week, and you decided this would be a great time to get your molars. We've been home for two weeks and you now have all four molars. Just in time for another heat wave to hit. Please keep the rest of your teeth underground a little longer, thanks.

I feel bad writing this, like I probably forgot something. You're growing so fast and two months is everything and a blink. You're in love with your stuffed animals and you're realizing with squeals that everyone has toes. You point to your butt when you need to poo, you use the sign "more" to say you're hungry, then snub your nose at food, say nyo... and turn on your heel and go. Because you can. There's so much you can do. You have so many wonderful quirks right now. And I can't think of any to tell you about. I'll write them down as they come. That'll be for another day, I'll make up for missing a month, I promise.

Love, mama

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Visit to the mountain(s)

Welllll, I have a whole bunch of posts ready, but since I can't access all my photos, they're sorta... in limbo. What's a story without a photo?

But a few weeks back we went up to Mt. Rainier, and had a blast on a foggy, cool day. I could not get over how tiny Bella seemed on that giant mountain.

Bella had so much fun climbing up the mountain, which however, made for a very slow climb for the rest of us. She fell asleep on my back half way up, and conveniently woke up long enough to warm up and play with the stuffed animals in the lodge. I'm very used to squatting down into strange positions to take photos while carrying her, but I think people are still surprised. I had to get shots of my favorite high mountain wild flowers (the paintbrush). It's been a while since I've seen them, and they don't grow very close to the path.

During our picnic outside, we had a some sweet company, though I think we were the only ones to notice.

One of Bella's favorite activities is walking back and forth on gravel, so she was in seventh heaven in the parking lot. My camera was acting up, missing shots here and there, so I had Dave keep asking Bella to say "Skyyy!!" (which is what she does when she wants us to lift her up to the sky) so I have lots of cute shots of her goofing around to make up for the one I missed.

On our way back down the hill, I made Dave hop out of the car and take photos at every opportunity. Not too shabby, if I do say so myself!

Stay tuned for part two when we go back the following week - and the mountain makes an appearance!

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Another ordinary night

Scene: 9:30pm Tuesday evening. The family has just finished a farmer's market dinner of fresh radishes, raspberries, and peanut butter fudge.

Adults are at their respective computers chatting over the day while Bella plays with toys on the floor.

Sirens and helicopters sound outside, yet another attempt to put out an untimely fire taking over a neighborhood just blocks away.

Shawna (knitting, at last, and cursing her computer for restarting itself randomly yet again): Dave, my dearest, most wonderful husband who has worked so hard and actually made money today, I know this is a lot to ask, but would you bring me the potty? I just sat down and crashed and all this knitting and tweeting about the fire is so tiring that I can't move five feet to get to Bella's potty, but it's time for her to go.

Dave heaves a loving sigh of resignation as he considers getting up.

Bella (whose favorite game recently has been walking back and forth handing Mommy bits and pieces of things from the floor) hands Shawna what we assume is an old piece of bread. Here!

Shawna (subconsciously sniffing the air and considering Dave's slow response time) looks down at her hands. Poo!! Dave, omigawddave!, Bella just handed me POOOOOO!!! Omigawd where did it come from?? Omigawd it's on the floor! Omigawd it's on her feet!

Omigawd initiate disaster protocols! Lift her off the floor! Strip her clothes! Throw her in the tub! Quick!

And ten minutes later, we're all back to normal. Helicopters notwithstanding.

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Father's Day

We had a nice Father's Day, I'd say, as far as weekends go. I worked the first part of the day, so Dave got to sleep in with Bella and enjoy her all afternoon. Our evening plans were canceled, so we went on a walk to Starbucks so I could get some good photos of the duo. Later, while the sun faded away (around here on the longest day of the year, that's sometime around 9:30pm) we took to the living room and tricked Bella into walking.

She took her first steps a few weeks ago, but has since refused to walk for me. She walks for Dave when he gets home from work, but that's it. So Dave and I sat face to face and coaxed Bella to walk between us. Every time she had her back turned, I inched backward. In half an hour we had her walking across the room, wobble wobble.

Today, for the first time ever, she decided to spend the day walking. She walked all over MJ's house. She walked for broccoli. She walked for toys, for hugs, for no reason at all. She's a walking fool now.

Oh, this first stage of walking is so adorable. It's like she has legs of rubber. She falls forward, but catches herself and proudly defies gravity, hovering until she rights herself again. Those uneven steps. Sometimes she finds herself going sideways. Where are these feet taking me? Sometimes she steps too high, too far, like she's wading through tall grass. Sometimes her legs go faster than she knows and she starts running until she's flat on her face. And always, always she gets back up. She's ready to take on the world.

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Back to the River

This vacation is brought to you by the letters B and L. It would not have been possible without Bella's easy going attitude and love of life. And it would not have occurred without lemons from which we made lemonade!

This was our first vacation since we drove out here a year and a half ago, our first visit back to our wedding location, our favorite getaway, Hood River. Due to some sad family events back home, my best friend had to cancel her trip here that we had been looking forward to for a year. And I started my stay at home mom schedule so Dave could go back to work, but he didn't finish the requirements in time, so he can't start until THIS Monday, leaving us a whole week to drive each other nuts. So in honor of our last week as a free family, we headed out of town!

We started out bright and early (uh, that's well after noon here). Three hours later we were headed down the beautiful windy Columbia Gorge Scenic Highway. I've never been here in the spring, and it's surprisingly green and lush.







We did the quick deprivation fix cure: Scenic outlook, Multnomah Falls, Mike's Ice Cream (before dinner, of course!), a walk through town and some pizza! Home sweet home to our favorite hotel, the Vagabond!



We took a walk through the Columbia Gorge Hotel grounds as the sun fell behind the mountains. It was sweet, seeing everything in bloom. Walking the same steps we took just two years ago when we were married there. The air was sweet and the weather was exactly the same.





This may be our first family vacation, but it was not my first vacation with kids. I can't tell Bella just how much I appreciated her willingness to ride in the car, to be scooped up every other minute to head somewhere new just as she was settling in, to nap anywhere, to yield to my sightseeing whims and photo ops. We managed to forget her potty and she still EC'ed like a champ, rolling with the punches when her diaper was off and putting up with a wet diaper when it was on. (She even did a diaper poo. How do moms put up with cleaning all the poo? It's so much easier to sit and read a story and flush the poo away when we're done.) All this on top of her four top teeth coming in. And her left front tooth has caused a terrible blister that makes me cringe every time she opens her mouth. And yet she's still on top of the world 90 percent of the day.



And still somehow I was surprised that Bella didn't sleep. (Yes we were those people, the noisy ones next door that you're too pissed at to sympathize with.) Vacation without sleep? Not so much a vacation. Maybe it was the teething, but I'm blaming the smell of the hotel cleaners. I think since having gone green in so many respects, I have a much lower tolerance for unnecessary fragrance and cleaners. I thought my nose would return to its plain hyperactive state once my pregnancy was over, but it has stayed at the utmost height of heights in sensitivity.

It was weird waking up and not pricking my ears for wind, jumping to the window to see who's already out sailing. I missed the anticipation, but it was so relaxing to not be disappointed by the lack of wind. On dead mornings we head to our favorite diner. The one that no matter what year we arrive, the same woman serves us. She's older than me and my dad can recall years ago when she was a teenager. It's amazing for me to imagine the life she leads, watching the rise and fall of the windy season year after year. While we were eating, three more sets of baby + parent sat down to eat, filling the diner. Apparently we were the first of the seasonal rush, surprising in the same way that you look up from your feet one day and notice that all the leaves have popped green.

We browsed the main street a bit more. I got my vacation yarn (oh, you know you do it, too!) from Knot Another Hat and then we sat at our favorite coffee shop while Bella napped. They make their ice cubes out of coffee there, so as your drink melts, it gets stronger. Mmmmm. Then, (with a longing glance at Mike's Ice Cream - but fully knowing I was too full to appreciate another cone) we headed out of town.



On the way out we got some subs and drove past the Little Blue House (see above for view from said house), the, uh, aptly named little blue house where we spent many a summer day being kids. Eating cereal in the morning sunbeams, dancing in the sprinklers, and endlessly playing games, as any good vacation should go.



We stopped at the falls again on our way out. Oddly enough, it was the exact same time of day. We hiked just a tiny bit more, but this time the place was swamped with tourists. There were families of all sorts all over the place. Babies in strollers (on a steep trail, seriously?), babies on shoulders, babies in bjorns. And yet. I had Bella strapped to my back with my Moby Wrap and you cannot imagine the looks and comments I got. Well, perhaps you can. I don't think many people think twice about baby wearing in Seattle, though the back carry is less common. I wouldn't have expected the Portland area to be much different, although I suppose we were just far enough away and in just enough of a tourist area that it was uncommon again. I forgot how that can feel. Not in a terrible way, just out of place.



On our way out (yes we're still leaving, you see, we like to procrastinate such things) we stopped in Portland to meet up with a friend at a coffee shop. Oh holy yum. If you ever go to Portland, be sure to only go to a coffee shop that serves Stumptown Coffee. There's nothing better. Ask anyone.





So there we were, finally ready to leave, and Portland wouldn't let us. What the heck. We drove around Portland for 45 minutes following I-5 signs that only ever led us to I-5 South. Just as we decided to take South and turn around at the next exit, we found a tiny sign that said (405), which didn't you know is synonymous with I-5 North? We decided Portland had a beef with Seattle and didn't want people to find their way back. Of course, it is a nice city and we enjoyed our traffic tour and the sights and sounds of this lively city.



Half an hour later Bella declared herself Done With Traveling. She fussed, puked and promptly fell asleep. Dave and I enjoyed the beautiful spring sun setting on a snowy Mt. St. Helens. Few drives are prettier than one in which you can see Mt. Hood, Mt. Adams, Mt. St. Helens, and Mt. Rainier in the space of two hours. When Bella woke up, all sticky and pukey, we sang songs and whistled together to keep her happy. That last hour before you reach your neighborhood is always torture. We were all barn sour.

Until that night, I hadn't realized just how much our apartment has come to feel like home. The pillows smelled like us, the potty was there welcoming us, and our lonesome bunny did hoppy laps around the place just to show off his disapproval of our vacation.

Okay, I'm officially putting an end to this post. Awkward and abrupt: the end.

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