so go the nights
Days have been pretty good. Even the ones where I'm alone
(except yesterday, the "come home early, hun, i'm about to lose it" day). Of course we haven't tried anything exceptional. Naps are still pretty elusive for Bella and we've resorted to the ever so eco-friendly habit of driving around in the car.
Nighttime lately has consisted of one or the other off us putting Bella to sleep, which can take between 20 minutes and two hours. Then around 3o'clock Lillia wakes up to eat, we switch sides of the bed and Bella wakes up out of a nightmare and starts thrashing and screaming and inconsolably for me (unless you're me, in which case she touches you and goes limp into a deep, sobbing sleep).
The night before last was a missed nap night (which you know is disastrous going in). Bella fell asleep after about 45 minutes with Dave and woke up an hour later when I came to bed. She crawled up next to me and Lillia and lay there awake (but remarkably still) for the next half hour. Then Dave came to bed, put her back into her bed, and she woke up crying for me. Since it was a rational, awake cry, and Dave was completely keeping his cool, I let him handle it without me rescuing Bella. She sobbed for two hours before finally letting Dave cuddle her instead. He had to hop into her bed to get her to sleep.
I sat by and listened the whole time to those heartbreaking cries. The ones that make you want to run to your baby. The ones that remind you of the times that you cried so hard because you thought that you would never get to be with someone again. No, it's not the end of the world, but it sure feels like it.
No matter how much I fill this girl up during the daytime, its nighttime that she needs the love. That is something that I'm still not sure how to handle. Society tells me to kick her out of our room and let her cry, that kids are resilient and she'll get used to it. My mama instinct tells me that she is a sensitive soul that might not get used to it, and why should she have to? It wasn't her choice to add another person to this family. Sigh. No nap yesterday (fireworks through the day and alllll night) and none again today so we'll see how it goes. At least I'll have Dave home by then to help.
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2 comments:
My first slept in our room for quite a while after we had our second. In the bed for a little while--this is while I was mostly in the rocking chair with the baby--then on the floor at the foot of our bed. It helped that he usually would take comfort from daddy (unlike the next two), but still. I figured he was adjusting SO well to having a sibling, who showed up earlier than expected, too, that if he needed me close by at night, so be it. I was worried--if I didn't meet this need at night, where else might it pop up?
Just another perspective. :) You will find a balance that works for everyone, promise. And if not, this too shall pass. Honestly, that should be the motherhood mantra.
The truth is that nobody knows how to best parent Bella but you. Only you knows what you can handle and best understands what she can handle. You'll get there but that adjustment to two is tough.
We have problems with Jillian getting night terrors. Our doctor told us that it is usually linked to being overtired, and she typically gets them on nights when she didn't nap well enough during the day. Perhaps that is part of the cause for Bella, but of course you are already doing what you can to get her enough sleep. Hang in there.
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