a more recent update

So how's this pregnancy going? Good. I can't complain. Well, I mean I shouldn't, but I do. Of course. Me and my stack of five cookies sitting next to me.

I've been a bit absent in life. I haven't even had many shoots lately. My mojo has just been elsewhere. I'm huddling up with my baby (who refuses to nap), trying to soak up enough US cuddles to carry us through the complications that will soon arise in our relationship.

We had a few sunny days in which I didn't want to do anything but be outside. Sun burns galore. Oh how it was worth it. We haven't seen the sun since. I've been sewing up presents for the mamas I know who are due in June with me (one of them had hers this week, over achiever). I've been knitting a photo prop blanket (but nothing for baby, seriously I just hate knitting baby stuff) that sheds embarrassingly all over everything (but will look great in photos!), and I've been trying to catch up on my thousands of photos that I have yet to look at from April and May. Bella gave us all a sinus cold, and the fatigue as I recover is just overwhelming. It's very hard to look at the computer, let alone use it productively (and did I mention how my own computer is broken, so typing is very hard and mostly I am just stalking people?).

Anyhow. I digress.

This baby has so much more room than Bella. It makes for a much more relaxing pregnancy, but I'm so not used to it and I keep getting stuck places or scraping my belly on doorways and chairs.

But what a personality this kid has! I still have no inkling of boy or girl. Most days I think boy, and then I'll be lying there, cuddling Bella as she lifts my shirt to cuddle my belly, and suddlenly GIRL! pops into my head. All I know is that Bella held grudges even when she was on the inside. She would spend hours a day pushing on my rib cage, flopping left to right. She wasn't much of a kicker, just a solid uncomfortable wedger. With pokey little fingers that would prod me in places few others would dare. If I pushed against Bella, she'd push back harder, and dare I say - meaner. True to herself, she did not want to be told what to do or coerced into a kinder position.

This kid is bubbly in comparison. This kid has a sense of humor, and does not get offended easily. There are some days that I seriously lose my patience because I am just. so. sick. of being a pinball machine. It's funny, until you can't concentrate or can't sleep, OR it wakes up your toddler. This one's always awake, it seems. And rarely has the hiccups, which is nice since that is one thing I just can't stand. When it's inside me and out of my control, I start to lose my mind.

I do have to put in a mention to Bella. She is in love with the baby in my belly and would cuddle all day long if she could. Shirt up, or course. Baby ah keek is what she says all the time. I'm not sure she's really figured out the kicks - she doesn't stay still long enough to feel them when she's awake. Does she know baby is coming? I think so. Does she know baby will be here to stay? I just don't know. She has become immensely clingy in the past few weeks, and no one but mama will do. I don't want anyone but me to do. I wish I were all hers.

As of this weekend baby is full term. June is an open book for us. Baby is allowed to come any day in June. But please, please don't make me wait til the end.

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two (and then some)

Dear Bella,

It seems I have fallen off the bandwagon. Your birthday was a month ago. TWO! We're already so used to it; it seems to fit you so well. I've been waiting six months to be able to use two as an excuse for everything. And now I'm thinking you might just have to stay two forever.

I have to admit though, until recently, anytime someone mentioned your name to me the mental image I pulled up was little one year old Bella. All the while you were growing long hair and wit and personality and my mind was stuck in last summer. We were two peas in a pod those days. How I loved those days so much, and will always treasure them.

But Daddy, on the other hand, could not WAIT for these days to come. As soon as Daddy comes home from work, you run right to him and ask for a horsey ride (Gock? Daddy Gock! Gockgockgock! because now along with block and box, that also means back, too.)

And he's right. With all the frustrations that two brings, you're talking (and walking, remember last year you weren't there yet?) and voicing your opinions and you're playing and goofing and more than ever it's clear to us that we are raising a person. You are yourself, and we are privileged to have front row seats as we watch your personality unfold.

I love that you can talk now. We understand the gist of almost everything you say, and you're happy to repeat words and letters and numbers - something that you never used to do. Your favorite song is currently the ABCs. It's fun to watch you try to form your mouth into sounds that don't always turn out right. Rs are pronounced with sh, so fire is fosh, bear is besh, computer is cumpush, and sometimes you skip the letter all together and we really have to break out the translation dictionary. I still can't help but sigh when you grow out of these little word mannerisms. They are so short lived. I think we'll always call oatmeal oapmeo and noodles noonoes. And don't forget, all your cousins are named Lyyyyyssa! no matter which one you mean.

You play pretend now, thanks to all these words. Dolls and stuffies (which never used to entertain you) are now your primary playmates. (Don't get me started on real babies - you think it is your sole purpose in life to pick up and cuddle every baby on this planet. We're in for it.) You bring them to nurse, you give them cuddles, you ask if they are okay when they fall, and you take them on piggy back rides around the house - everything that exists in your life. Wherever you are, we can hear you singing in that teeny tiny voice, and when you run off to the playroom by yourself we hear little echoes of our day reenacted through play- the good and the bad.

Sleep has been a bit of an issue lately - more often than not we are all tired and grumpy during the day. Some days we take you kicking and screaming out of stores, some days we just sit back and watch you running around the house in circles trailing a long string of NoNoNoNoNoNoNONONONOOONOONONOOOOO!! behind you. And as always, no matter how exhausted you are, you give up at least an hour fight anytime we ask you to sleep. And yet, every day you steal our hearts a bit more. Kiddo, I just don't know how you do it.

Well, I certainly hope I can manage to write you another letter before your new sibling comes next month, but if not, I hope you know that you are the light of my life, and there is nothing more I enjoy than to be with you every day, tantrums and all. I'm trying to soak up as much us time as I can in these last few weeks. I really don't know how I'm going to share you. I love you so so very much.

Love, mama

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whoops. one from the archives

Yeah. So I wrote this back at the end of March, 3 months from my due date, two months ago. I can't let writing go to waste, so here you are. The photos are from March, too, so don't be fooled. I'm much bigger now. :O)

(i promise an update soon. and bella's letter. her birthday was a month ago now... my oh my am i behind.)

My belly has officially popped. Not in that little, Oh what a cute bump! way, but in that Wow, this time I might actually have trouble looking over my belly soon kind of way.

With the pop and drop that has just occurred, I'm realizing a few things. My heartburn is so much more manageable this time. And I still have room for food! By this time with Bella I was already starting to sleep upright because she literally housed herself well into my ribs. This baby is much lower. And due to that fact, this baby tends to kick me MUCH lower in my sides, right above my hips (Bella was a fan of upper rib kicks and bladder pokes.) where I am actually ticklish. I'll classify it as endearingly annoying.

On the other hand, a low baby (apart from gender wives' tales) means that despite working 10 hours a week instead of 40, my unhappy little veins have kicked into full gear. Not a moment too soon, since I JUST got my granny pants in the mail. Yes, I wear granny pants. I have re-dubbed them... SUPERTIGHTS!

They make me think I can do more than I should (er, ignoring my 10lb lift restriction much?) so that I can enjoy my days and regret them later. They are quite restricting to say the least (well, they are in fact compression hose so that's a no-brainer) but they greatly reduce the number of nights I lie awake from shooting pains down my leg. And yet, because they make me think I can spend more hours upright per day than I should, once again, I forget to take it easy. Thus, (at least for this allergy season) I am cursed with the dreaded snee. Oh well. (It sounds like this around here: achoo. Achoo!!! Achooohcrapphoeyexcuseme.)

All for a good cause, I suppose.

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