Here we go again

Dear Bella,

What a long month this has been. Long, as in trying and tiresome (but still short). No month is ever lengthy anymore. They all pass in the blink of an eye. Of course, I wouldn't mind if your tantrums passed in the blink of an eye. But, as you are my daughter, I knew what I'd be getting into. I remember very well the need to have things my way, to have the last word, and to have physical retaliation when things became to much to process. Yesterday was the first day I had to take you out of the library kicking and screaming. I'm sure there's more of that to come.

You're into hitting right now. I can see it in your eyes, that aggressive decision borne from frustration. It always seemed like an easy thing to sort out as a nanny, but as a mom, my response lasts a life time. I'm trying not to say no, because NO! to you means KID IN A CANDY STORE!! You now go up to things I've yelled No! at you for, and you put your hand on them and say, No? just hoping I'll explode and entertain you. Oh well. I'm sure I'll figure it out. 1,000 more slaps from you and I might finally figure out how to demonstrate gentleness (sadly, not my first reaction!) instead of grabbing your hand away, in hopes that someday you'll catch on.

We're night weaning right now. It was going REALLY well, we were down to just a few fusses and one nurse in the middle of the night (that's fine with me, down from 5 nursings!) when last night I realized I had a plugged duct. No prob, I thought. Amazing Bella Sucker, work your magic. But no. I woke you up five times last night to get you to nurse in the hopes of relief. Today I'm as engorged as I was when my milk came in, and there's no end in sight. I really hope this does not escalate and ruin our nursing.

(eta: After 24 hours of pain, frustration, and worry - and grumping on your behalf since you were sick of sucking on a stuck boob - all is well with the world. Let's not let this happen again, k?)

On the up side, my whiny little baby who must follow me wherever I even glance, turned instantly into Confident Happy Child again after nursing all night. Coincidence? Oh man, I hope so. Maybe you're just getting used to the whole walking thing, so it's not messing you up as much.

Did I mention that you walk? It might take us an hour, but you're determined to walk allll the way to the park yourself. My other favorite things about you this month: you play peekaboo everywhere, you love walking up and down stairs, and you whisper back to me when I whisper to you. It's the most endearing thing ever.

Okay child, perhaps not the best letter, but there it is. Happy 14 months. Exactly two years ago I started caring for you, and I promise I'll never stop.

Love,
mama