sleep woes

I needs me my sleep and I have definitely NOT been getting it lately. I have lost the ability to settle my mind and nap with Bella like I used to, and I don't want to give up any of my daily excursions, lest I feel cut off from the non-mothering world. If this is the amount of sleep I get with one kid, I do not know how I can entertain the idea of more kids and still hope to maintain my quiet, sane, enjoyable lifestyle. I don't want to be that exhausted mom. Fatigue does not improve my parenting or social skills.

Bella has never "slept through the night", apart from the occasional 6 to 8 hour stretch that has me checking for signs of life. But lately she's reverted to a newborn waking schedule and I need tooth picks to prop my eyes open during the days. I was about to write a thread about it on a parenting forum, perhaps to ask for advice, perhaps just for some commiseration, but it occurred to me as I prepared my mental list of symptoms, that while things may not be desirable, they are predictable and on track.

Woe is me, why is my child night waking? Ah yes, let us start with the basics: bodily functions:

Teething. Oh, teeth, please just come in already. Or not. If we're already miserable, I suppose it's better to have it all at once than to ruin a potentially idyllic day in the future.

Solids. Really, this is the first week that Bella has eaten a solid every day (or "people food" as I call it). Perhaps just a spoonful, but that's a lot for such a little system to process. The night poo that we used akin to a turkey thermometer to predict bedtime (stick a for in her, she's done!) has gone out the window and she's a maybe-one-poo-a-day girl now. Who squirms all night.

Don't forget the developmental aspects:

Crawling: Almost 11 months and she only just figured out the crawling thing. Now she's got missions and errands and Very Important Things to attend to (nursing not included). I might as well hand her the car keys.

Talking: She's definitely said her first word, Daddy. Though I must write it Dah-dee to preserve the beautiful way she punctuates each syllable. She's craving words and eating them up right and left. Yes, baby, each one of those words has a meaning and you will learn them all.

And the rest can be fully ascribed to Working Mother Syndrome. Now that Dave's basically the stay at home parent, I'm picking up as many hours as possible at work. And because I don't often have a full shift, that means I'm working almost every day. A five hour shift with a one hour commute, all during social time and nursing time. I get home anywhere between 11pm and 2am and Bella is waiting for me, either asleep and ready to make up for the whole day by sleep nursing all night, or she is awake and ready to soak up some mommy, and save the nursing til that boring time of night when everyone is asleep.

In writing all this out, I realize that night wakings are bound to happen. And honestly, I don't think I have any plans to adjust them. She's not comfort nursing at night, waking up because she can't put herself to sleep. She knows how to fall asleep on her own. Sure, she needs one of us lying next to her, but she's completely capable if her belly's full and her eyes are droopy. She's waking because she's hungry. She sucks til let down and then chug chug chugs and pops off with a big sigh and flops over with her back to me. (You have served your purposes, woman. Goodnight.) Shushing her to sleep when she's actually hungry and Needs! Booba! Now! results in howling screams that make me feel bad for our neighbors. She then requires at least a half an hour more to assuage the towering temper, to see reason and decide to nurse at last (before she was too pissed) and comfort suck until the hiccuppy cries subside.

I'd rather have night nursing than night tantrums. Anyhow, this too shall pass, no? I'll just be brain dead at work and life for a while. (And the unfortunate casualty of this sleep torture today was a broken camera. Just my point ant shoot, but always in my pocket, and my only macro lens. Can I say bummed? Bummed and tired.)