A quarter turn

Dear Lillia,

Did you know that you wring your hands when you nurse? I mention this only in case, in twenty years, you wonder where you got the bad habit of wringing your hands while you study. You also stick your tongue out and hunch your shoulders when you toss your head back and laugh. And you're coy. When you are just so happy and excited that you can't contain it anymore, you dive into whoever has you and hide your face, peering out just a little. Or you throw your hands up in your face, which usually ends in a look of shock that someone would hit you when you were so happy a second ago.

This has been such a fun month for us. You're starting to chuckle at people (even to me, finally!) and you can sit and watch your big sister dance around the room for an hour. You grabgrabgrab everything and stuff it straight into your mouth and all I can say is that we're going to have to watch you like a hawk.

It helps that you can sit up now, you have since three months. And you roll over, but strangely enough you prefer being on your belly. In fact, you are so keen on moving around, that when you fall over sideways from sitting, I just let you be and you find your way up to your belly again. If you want to move around so badly, I figure you'll find a way.

You haven't slept well this month, I think from all the learning. And of course when you aren't sleeping, you yammer away at full volume to make sure no one is sleeping. There is nothing you do quietly. When you aren't getting your way, or you're in a lousy mood, you always need to get in the last word. You'll break off from comfort nursing several times just to remind me that you weren't happy a moment ago.

I'm working on a way to give you the space you need, as much as I want to be close. You so rarely fall asleep on my chest that when you do, I stay up longer just to enjoy the feeling. Despite all your little idiosyncrasies, there is no doubt that you hold a special place just for me and that is a wonderful feeling. Your smile is pure joy. I cannot express to you just how much I love it. I hope that as you grow and change, that look will never disappear.

Love,
mama