Almost an hour has passed since we were nursing in the living room rocking chair. We're recovering from traveling and a 100 degree heat wave that sucks away the desire to nurse during the day. This girl stocks up before bed, makes up for an entire day of learning and exploration. Now we're in bed and she's still awake, and to my great surprise, she hasn't asked me for more. She's content simply to lie next to me and chat to my teddy bear. I find myself drifting off as she partakes in her wind-down ritual in which she sits up, smiles, and with a giant FWOMP! flops over sideways as close to me as possible. This tiny little child (though she sometimes seems so gigantic) has the ability to inch me right out of bed with this adorable full-contact cuddling sport. Sometime later I wake up to find that she has fallen asleep in my armpit as usual, head on my shoulder, back to my side, leg across my belly. (We're contortionist sleepers.) For the first time ever, she has fallen sleep next to me, but not nursing. We're entering a new realm.

Before we went on vacation, I started working my way towards night weaning Bella. Or at least getting us down to one nursing between bed time and waking up. Previously she had still nursed every few hours all night, and let me say, you don't realize how much sleep you're not getting until one fluke night you sleep 6 hours straight and remember how that feels.

Of course, vacation threw that all out the window and I was afraid of what would happen when we came home. Thanks to the 100 degree heat wave and lack of air conditioning, we're back on track faster than I thought possible. Sometimes I wake up at night and poke Bella, thinking, Well, she's got to wake up hungry some time, doesn't she? But no, she doesn't. She's totally capable of cuddling herself back to sleep these days.

Despite all this, I can't imagine myself weaning Bella. Neither of us is ready and I don't want to even think of the future. I never had a goal for us, I just knew we'd nurse as long as we wanted. I still have a hard time hearing friends say We made it two months, I'm so proud of us, but now it's time for formula. I know it's not nice to judge. And I know we've had it easy. But I can't imagine my life had we stopped nursing just a few weeks in. It defines our entire life, our whole relationship. I really don't know where we would be without it.

We're now into that age when nursing is not just "oh how nice you get to nurse so long" but instead it's peculiar. Bella has nice short hair and a baby face, so we get off without any odd stares, but people are usually still surprised.

They can't imagine someone nursing so long. I can't imagine what will fill that space when we're done.

It's nice to have options and a bit of separation. It's nice to know I can go out for six hours without my boobs bursting at the seams. It's nice to have given my pump away and to not miss it for a moment. It's nice to have sleep fill the nurseless nights and hot lethargy fill the missed day time sessions. And I can only hope that as the day sessions drift away (please, just a few for now), the transition will be gentle on us so that I will still have the magical means to grab up my chatty, rambunctious toddler and sit in a moment of peace to just enjoy her. That, after all, is what nursing is all about.