Mama musings

Hair brushed. Check. Bra snapped. Check. Shirt pulled down. Check. No milk stains on shirt. Check. Proper pants, not pajama bottoms. Check. All must be in order before venturing out into the real world if I am to regain my sense of normalcy. A nice walk in the breezy sunshine and I feel fresh. This is perhaps better than a shower. I smile at people and function almost like I did before baby brain. An extra breeze as I return home unsettles me. My fly has wiggled itself down and I dart for the nearest bush before pure embarrassment sets in. Betrayed by my own jeans! Damn you, jeans. You deserve the life of chili stains and raspberry guts that awaits you.

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Each day, returning from our walk, Bella and I stop to greet each of her favorite trees. We talk to them and gaze at the kaleidoscope of greens dappled by the sunlight. I assure her that trees are the best listeners she'll ever meet and she coos and babbles at them in a way she never does with her toys. I run her hands through the leaves and needles so she knows they are real, so she can feel that nature is softer than a blanket, smoother than a plastic toy, and pulses with a warmth no gadget can.

This time, she stuns me. I wrest her arms free of the cozy wrap and she stares peacefully but full of purpose. Then a tentative hand reaches out. She waves her hand back and forth, relishing in the feeling, letting each individual needle return the greeting with a tickle to her fingers, her palm, her arm. A few misses and she has what she was aiming for, a fistful of green. Yesterday when I noticed a bit of dirt under her fingernails, I smiled. I hope her hands are always graced with smudges of earth and the sweet scent of evergreens.


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I'm endlessly amazed as I watch her reach. So confident. Adults learns to doubt themselves. If something was impossible yesterday, why should today be any different? But Bella just concentrates on her hands and the tree, willing them to find each other. Yesterday I wasn't ready, but today I am. Today's a good day to reach, why not?

Yesterday I plopped her on the floor onto her belly. Not her favorite thing in the world, but it's nice to see her handle it better each day. No fuss this time. Wriggling, and another look of concentration. Before I have a chance to decide what to do with my Bella-free time, she's already rolled over. Yesterday I wasn't ready, but today I am. Today's a good day to roll, why not?

Sometimes children just have a better understanding of the world, fresh and unspoiled. They know what they themselves need and apply it unselfishly to others. They are not yet dampened by our arbitrary rules of social interaction. Often it's just a refreshing hello or goodbye from a child whose parent was simply going to pass someone by without a word. Or it's an uninhibited conversation with an adult while parents and onlookers glance sheepishly around, awkward and uncomfortable about how to tactfully put and end to such friendliness. Why should a child learn to say hello to one person and not another? Everyone needs to be smiled at. Where in our lives do we lose the ability to just enjoy genuine interaction? Today we can't, but perhaps tomorrow we can, why not?